Thank You

Insomnia???

Its 6 in the morning..You might ask what the hell am I doing up so early....
Haha...Well...I don't wake up at 6 am. The reason is that....I haven't slept yet..
Can't sleep...Man..Tho my brain is telling me to shut down now.. My dog Jackie is at
foot of my bed..enjoying her sleep...The sound of birds chirping now outside my
window; use to love it. Now it constantly reminds me that i haven't at all slept and it
tends to be rather annoying....Well......talk later............MUST get some sleep.. ...must.........get..some...............sleep.............must........sleeeeeeeeeeeeep..............~

Me Versus Ego

The thought of me being single was great..

I did enjoy it...

The idea of me being single for a year..

Very intriguing..

Then someone came up to me..

Wanting to be in my life.

I said no...no..NO...

NO.

He did not force his way into my heart...but,

My heart said yes, my ego said no.

Then i realized....

I could not live my life just based on ideas..

I had to live it.

Forcing my way into being single,

would'nt at all guarantee my happiness.

The thing is...

You cannot force youself to love,

That's why its called falling in love.....

You just fall...

And I did.

This was by far one of the best decisions

I have ever made.

Yet.

L.O.V.E – The way I see it.

It takes a second to fall in love, months or years to fall out of it. But ‘til today, I’ve yet to understand it. I have been through it. But how do I know that LOVE is really what I was feeling?

My first love was short lived but the wound took forever to heal, longer than the relationship itself, but I am very proud I survived. Although I survived, unfortunately it affected those whom I finally let in my life. I was scared. The bad memories still haunts me to this very day. I am not proud of what I am going to say next but, because of this one person that broke my heart, I broke plenty of other hearts.

Here are my reasons; my first love gave me the best experiences I ever had. It’s hard to forget him because everything I did with him was the first. He was the first who made me feel that nothing else matters as long as I had him in my arms. It didn’t matter if we were stranded in the middle of no where with absolutely any way on how to head back. For me it didn’t matter because in my eyes he was my knight and I would be safe with him no matter what. He was also the first that made me feel that he loved everything about me. Just the way I am. He was also the first in my life who said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was 17, in love and when he said he was going to marry me one day, I fell for it, hard.

Fast forwarding through, he had to study abroad. We promise to be faithful but we were too far apart from each other. Our love got bitter and we drifted apart. I guess it happens when you are so used to having your significant other beside you when you’re down and troubled and suddenly it’s not that reachable anymore. The best way to put it, we just drifted apart or was it distance that took our love away?

It took me 3 years to completely let it go. Others did come in my life. As easy as they waltz in my life, it was as simple as I let them waltz out. I broke a lot of hearts. It is me to blame, Should I have just cling on to the one that loves me without having to love him back? Must I throw away my happiness or what it takes to be my happiness to spare the others unhappiness? Can some one be happy if he’s an obstacle to another’s happiness? Maybe it’s not what I want from a person. It’s who I want it coming from. For me I’d just want the person to love me as much as I love him. I have never yet seen a perfect relationship, but I have had experience that there is a perfect love one for you and it is a wonderful feeling, knock yourself out once it arrives. : )