HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LOVER

It kills me to not be there for you on your special day. But I promise you I'll make it up to you. You have been there for me through the stormy days and you certainly have been with me laughing throughout the calm. I love you more than I can say and there is no one else more dear to my heart than you. You showed me patience, passion, and love like no other.

On this special day itself, we found each other. How we met, and fell in love, well there will be another time to  for that. Today, 21st November, marks a beautiful and special day for my dearly beloved. It's his birthday (as if you all do not know that already).

I'll be with you sooner than you know. I am missing you so much and I am celebrating your special day with you,please remember that I am only a beat away.

To the man who gave me the freedom to submit freely and willingly with a love that surpasses all understanding;

I love you with all my loving heart and soul.

Your lover,
Natasha A. Juan

The Man Behind The Mask

The man in the mask then handed me a rose. At this point, I was certain that I knew who it was. It was my lover. He took off his mask and kissed me and hugged me so tight. He kept on saying, "I missed you so much and I love you." 

The love of my life flew down to surprised me on Halloween and my two friends was his accomplice. That was the sweetest thing ever. The truth is, I dislike surprises. I dislike the fact of not able to see things coming my way. 

Left to right: Fahriee, Me and the Love of my life.

I then recalled something Fahrie said to me during dinner before the Halloween, only now that it adds up.

Fahrie: Tasha, do you think tonight is going to be a good night?

Me: (without any enthusiasm) I dunno. If it is a goodnight it'll be a good night, if it isn't that it isn't. (typical me)

Fahrie: I have a feeling tonight is going to be a good night. (smiling)

My lover told me this once, "I am coming home to you my love, this time I am bringing you a rose". He is a man of his words. That night, that particular Halloween night. He never took his eyes and hands of me and whispered 'I love you' throughout the night. It'll be a night I'll always remember.

He drew me a beautiful memory.

To my friends, thank you, thank you, thank you. 

To the love of my life, Andreas Dyrman Dasan, Loving you is the 'highlight' to my everyday. Happy 11 months and 8 days. I love you with all my heart, with all my soul.

Lot's of love,

Natasha A. Juan

Miss Love

I miss cuddling and holding hands with you before we hit dreamland.

I miss waking up in the morn and finding that firm grip never loosens even as we sleep.

I miss how you smile every time I caught you stealing a glance at me.

I miss how you tickle me just to get me to shower in the morning.

I miss the face when I'm halfway telling you a story and you just know that I'm going to start saying something ridiculous.

I miss how you and I laugh after I mentioned what the ridiculous something was.

I miss headbanging with you to Pantera.

I miss singing to Julie London with you.

I miss slow dancing with you, to the sound of only; our beating hearts.

I miss sharing thoughts with you.

I miss rubbing my feet against yours.

I miss rubbing my nose against yours.

I miss you even when you are right by my side.

I miss you even more when you're not.

All my loving, I'll give it all too you.

Your name is emblemed in my heart, engraved in my mind and runs free with my soul.

To my dearest lover, soul mate and confidante,

I love you, with all my heart.

On an unrelated note, I feel like starting a Mariachi band. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I just always wanted to. Anyone interested?



Have a nice day troopers.

Love always,

Natasha A. Juan

9 Months

This is you and I painting the bedroom.

"We are the Power Painters, It's Morphin Time."

It has been 9 months of loving you and I ain't gonna stop.

Thank You, for loving me,

Silly 'ol me.




Loving you always,
Natasha A. Juan

Put Your Arms Around Your Love

I am still alive.

I just have been busy living my life.


I am currently in Bintulu. Enjoying each and every second with the love of my life. All my troubles seem to twists into smoke and vanish when he's with me.


I'll do some brainstorming and get back to blogging once I get back to Kuching.


He's curled up next to me, smiling as he sleeps, hugging me tight and keeping me warm; hoping to ease this period cramp of mine.


Will talk soon, I want to help him paint his bedroom in the morn.




With love,
Natasha A. Juan

A Mental Note For A Lover

I miss you.

Loving you from a distance,
Natasha A. Juan

Conversation

" I can't stop loving you. I just cant."






Neither can I.



:  )



*swoon swoon*






Loving you wholly,
Natasha A. Juan

Ready For Love

" I will be patient, kind, 
  faithful and true.
  To a man who loves music;
  a man who loves art,
  respect's the spirit world,
  and thinks with his heart."
    -India Arie


The reason to how/why I fell/ still am falling so madly in love with HIM.




I am ready for LOVE.



Love always,
Natasha A. Juan

8 Months

has gone by.

And I find myself still madly in love with you.



You make me fall in love with you even more.

Each and every single day.

You are my best friend.

You are my lover.

You are my man.


Don't you worry.

I am not going anywhere.

p/s: I love you, like I always do.


: )



With sooo much love,
Natasha A. Juan

My Smiling Heart

I love it when HE puts so much enthusiasm into our conversations.


Especially when it regard things that I am into.


" What matters to you, matters to me".


That was what he said to me.


Hee.



My love, although you are an ocean away from me. I never feel too far away from you. I love you, your loving heart and what I admire most; your thoughtful mind, each and every single day. *smiles*







Love always,
Natasha A. Juan

I Hate Goodbyes

I hate seeing you leave.




A house ain't no home without you.




But we both have responsibilities. We'll get there  We are getting there.

N: "If one day we have a house, can we fill it with chocolates"?

A: "No, my love."

N: "Aaa?"

A: "It's not 'IF'. It's 'WHEN'.

N: *grinning from ear to ear*

There were flowers growing in my insides, the day you said that.





Today, it had turned into a garden.




I miss you.





Have you ever felt like breaking down, but at the same time convinced yourself not to? Well, it happened to me  today. Just as I was instructing my brain to be the strong minded Natasha after bidding farewell (isk, isk), each and every sad song goes on air. I was multitasking the wheel, trying to sip my iced coffee and pressing on random channel buttons; hoping to tame my already disoriented mind. But NO. One sad love song after another. I felt so pathetic that I actually laughed at myself.


"Why do birds suddenly appear, every-time you are near. Just like me, were meant to be close to you..."


What the ..?


That's it. Time for SOULFLY.


Don't get me wrong I love 'The Carpenters'. Just not when I am already feeling 'love sick'.


Okay, that's about it for this entry of mine. Sorry for wasting your time. I am going to continue to run in circles and chase after my own tail now. *wagging my tail*arrrfff*






With love,
Natasha A. Juan

Sleep Laughing

Hello,

I had laughed while sleeping for more than 4 nights recently (not consecutive though). I laugh uncontrollably and I can't stop even after I am concious. 

This first happened when 'he' was here with me a few weeks ago. I fell asleep,then the next thing I knew I was laughing so hard in my dreams. When I finally woke up 'teary eyed' from cracking up, I saw his puzzled face (he can't help not smiling either) starring at me. 

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

It might be because I had laughed too much that day, or perhaps I was too darn happy, or very much in love.

I have no idea on how or what it indicates or maybe interprets. Sleep laughing definitely beats crying yourself to sleep in every aspect.

I am not quite sure if you have experienced sleep laughing before. But if you had, I can bet that you are smiling at this entry right now.

It sure does brighten up my day and it is not often that I get awakened by own laughter. Heck, even the thought of if leaves me grinning from ear to ear.


Oh. I am not suffering from any mental disorders or illnesses. I can't prove you otherwise, but somehow you have to trust me on this.:)

Lot's of laughs,

Natasha A. Juan

Earth. Wind. Water. Fire

Location: HIS hometown (Bintulu, Sarawak; Malaysia)

                                          



























































































































































































































































I hope you  do enjoy the photos. :)

Live well, laugh often and love with all your heart.

Always in love,
Natasha A. Juan

Love Letters Straight From My Heart

My love,

Though we may be oceans apart.

Love has never been any closer.

Distance has never separated us.

For it is time that brought us physically away;

but my heart, NEVER.

I do long for you,

beyond what you could even imagine.

This is why I am surviving time.

This is why I feel glad even to be sad;

when thinking of you.

Even when you are a sea away,

You always stick by me.

Best of all; you're here when I need you.

Especially, even when I don't.

p/s: I love you, and I thank you for all the loving from the depths of my soul.

A survivor of love and time,

Natasha A. Juan

Moonlight Magic

If you had to ask me how many times have you crossed my mind. I would have to say;
JUST ONCE. Simply because, you never had left.

Okay, so I have been told that I am a hopeless romantic. I can't help myself. I just can't. ;)



With love,
Natasha A. Juan

I Thank You. Yes. Y.O.U.

To:My father, my mother, my brother, my lover, my good friends, teachers, my dog; and everyone else whom I have crossed paths with.

I thank you, for the faith all of you had in me.

I thank you, for being the greatest teachers in life.

I thank you,  for the unconditional love and guidance and to have learned; that a mistake once made can be amended. I just need to forgive myself in order to move on.

I thank you, for despite my arrogance; you still stood by me until I can once think clearly again.

I thank you, for understanding me even when you couldn't accept the facts of what I have done.

I thank you  for the time spent on me.

I thank you, for how hard you have worked to give me a home; giving me the best you can, sparing yourself so little.

I thank you for; even when we are not together as a couple. You still treat me as a friend.

I thank you, for allowing me to be in my worst behavior despite my best. Yes, I have learned that;

although I have the right to be angry. I do not have the right to be cruel. Forgive me, if I had done so.

I thank you, for even when I have left you all alone for a day. You never loved me any less.

I thank you, for keeping me company, when instead there is some place you'd rather be.

I thank you, for viewing my blog and reading my shared thoughts.


Just so you know,I am not original (how can one be?). For what I am and have become NOW is bits and pieces of the people I've grown with and came to know, what I have learned; even through the right and wrong. I realize and appreciate all you have given and shared with me and I know by all means to say THANK YOU and I love you.=)

With much love from 'ME' your; daughter, sister, lover, friends, ex-girlfriend or even a complete stranger (to the readers),
Natasha A. Juan

Minutes Before Midnight

The first time we locked eyes.

The first time we had a walk in the park.

The first time you tried to tickle me.

The first time you made me laugh.

The first time you laughed with me.

The first time you held my hands.

The first time you hugged me.

The first time you walked with me under the rain.

The first time we kissed under the rain.

The first time we danced together.

The first time we layed on the beach together.

The first time we swam together.

The first time you said 'I love you'.

The first time I said 'I love you'.

But the time I recalled the most,

it was minutes before midnight to the New Year's.

You looked directly into my eyes,

and said,"Will you be with me,

until the end of days?''.

I smiled, and replied;

"I will let you know next year".

We heard fireworks and we went outside.

No fireworks near sight.

Nothing but, the most beautiful moon.

A man came to us out of nowhere and said,

"that is the Blue Moon, it only come out

every two and a half years".

We looked at each other and smiled,

then continued looking at the night sky.

The clocked struck twelve.

We kissed.

I whispered, "Happy New Year".

You whispered back, "Happy New Year, my love".

Then, I told you;

"I will gladly be with you, and spend til' the end

of days, with you".

Your face lit up, like a look a little kid has sitting under a the Christmas tree;

on Christmas morn'.


My heart, once badly bruised;

though never broken,

nor did it die.

Is now in perfect condition.


To all the Gods of Heaven and earth;

I will and forever be grateful,

for this man who found me,

is certainly heaven sent.

 To the man whom made it real for me, Happy Valentine's Day. I love you with all of my heart.

With all my loving,
Natasha A. Juan

What 'He' Said That Made Me Rose

I couldn't find the words to express what was troubling me last night. It was just one of those days when I felt rather melancholic. Thinking to myself that it is not 'His' burden to carry; I kept on pushing him away when he kept on wondering "why?". I wanted to end the conversation, fearing my mood swings would affect the love that we already had. As I attempted to escape; he said this:

"don't you run from me my love.

 don't you ever do that.

 don't let me go further than you..

 be together with me..

 i do understand..

 how hard it is..

 to not feel my presence..

 there with you..

 love..

 survive

 please..

 stay strong..

 don't let your grips go..

 walk again.

 don't be hasty..

 for that day will come..

 without you realizing it..

 please..

 don't let go.

 if it bears so much burden to you, if it opens up your wounds,

 if it does no good for you, if it brought up so much pain to you.

 if its too harsh for you.. and if you have decided to go..

 you may go..

 love is not something pain, harsh, wounding, that burdens..

 love is.. love..

 love is fire..

 love is not love..

 which alters when alteration finds

 or bends with the remover to remove

 no! it is an ever fixed mark

 that looks on tempest

 and is never shaken

 it is the star to every wandering bark

 whose worth's unknown

 although his height to be taken.

 cuando amor no es locura, no es amor

 when love is not madness

 it is not love

 stay with me.. for the love we had..

 you may leave.. if it is not love you saw..

 my love..

 i am here with you..

 are you with me, my love?

 i am here to share all those madness

 you're in..

 bear it with you.

 solve them with you..

 no problems are without solutions..

 even if there was..

 remember this my love..

 remember this.

 sharing thoughts opinions are not debates on who is right or wrong..

 there no total answers to right or wrong; what could have been right, can be   wrong;

 what has been wrong all those times, might have been right all along

 it is all about.. which roads are you going to take.

 am i mad to do so?

 am i an idiot to have been in love with you?

 yes.. i am insane..

 for your love.

 and i love it.

 and i love you so.

 i love you."

Andreas D. Dasan

*For your information, I surrendered  myself by the first two lines, but I just kept quiet. My, oh, my, even during my darkest days, My Love; you somehow, *smiles to herself*  somehow  manage to make me fall in love with you even more.

With love,

Natasha A. Juan