Haiya...

I NEED TO SHUT DOWN MY BRAIN.

I NEED PEOPLE TO SHUT UP and stop asking me to agree with them.

I NEED TO STOP TALKING TO MYSELF.

Okay, saya sudah express my anger yang bukan-bukan. Sekian terima kasih. Have a nice year end. Hee... Wekk!!! ;)

Natasha A.Juan

I spy with my little eye

Christmas without You

There was a hole in my heart the day you left, but I have filled the hole with the love you once gave to me.












It's impossible to think of Christmas, without reminding of you... I love you..

Your beloved granddaughter,
Natasha A.Juan @Shasha

Family Matters (In Images)

Meet "Mystique" my Aunt Doris's cat. Well, that's not its real name, I have no clue how to pronounce her real name... But I like the sound of "Misty".
























Here she is again. Looking cute effortlessly. She has the most hypnotic eyes. Agree?



















My adorable soul mate and faithful sleeping partner for almost 10 years with my gorgeous mother.



















Hehe... I may be small but I LOVE food. I have a hearty appetite and I am indeed one messy eater.



















A scene I captured from Buntal Seafood, located 35 kilometers away from Kuching City.



















My loving parents. Haha. Dad, what are you doing?I sure do love you both!



















He is a man who appreciates his drink, a lover, a never ending joker, my soulmate and best of all he is MY FATHER.



















Another panoramic view of Kampung Buntal.




















"Happy Holidays, all!!!!"

Lot's of love,
Natasha A.Juan

Who's up for Sitar Hero?

I just found this on Youtube. Very cool indeed.




Catch ya later!
Natasha A.Juan

I'd Like You For Christmas

I would like all my closest friends for Christmas this year please. And also for my birthday. I'm stoked about those coming home to meet me this year. A dear friend, promised his presence for my birthday... its so kind of him to do so....Especially when his mother's birthday falls on the same day as mine...and him going out his way to get to Kuching.... I can't wait!!!!Christmas is merely a week away... WoooHHooooo!!!!!



Happy Holidays everyone!!!!~






Lots' Love,
Natasha A.Juan

Good night, Demetrius~

Just a thought...i think sleep is the most honest behavior, don't you think? Because you don't get to fake it even when u try to..haha.. Who would ever wan to deceive sleep? *Curls up like a cocoon under the blankets*

" I love thee, I love but thee,
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old".

(William Shakespeare)



Goodnight you~
til' then,

Natasha A. Juan

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Oh Julie, you take my breath away......


Hello there.


I spent my Sunday with Julie London.

An entire day listening to her smoky voice. She seems to make time waltz by so slowly. She's someone whom I truly admire. A woman with class, sophistication, elegance and whoa..what a voice!...



This particular song is constantly on playback...



She does remind me of Jessica Rabbit... the sultry, sexy bombshell who happens to be Roger Rabbit's wife..



If I could be a cartoon character... I would so00.... want to be her...*wishful thinking*




Other then the 1950's and 60's, an era which I am keen about is The Victorian Era ... Ah. What I would give, to live in those days. The puffy wide dresses, the gentlemen, the horses, carriages, the "extravagance" of everything during this particular time, especially the language.





Here's a quote from a Victorian English Novelist, Charles Dickens which I adore;

“ You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain, and which over masters me. You can draw me to fire, you can draw me to water, you can draw me to the gallows, you can draw me to any death, you can draw me to anything I have most avoided, you can draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me. But if you would return a favourable answer to offer of myself in marriage, you can draw me to any good- every good- with equal force”, ( from the novel, Our Mutual Friend).

Until we meet again =),

Natasha A.Juan

Untitled

I do not want fame. I just wanna be good at what I do. I do not want to be recognize just by the name. I want to be appreciated and respected for what I have contributed as an individual. I do not want to scream "look at me!". I do not have to do that. I do not have to be 'the best'. But I want to be at 'my very best'.

I have given up on many things years before, like my studies. This year I persevered. I did not give up, well, I thought about it but I did not let it happen.

Something I never gave up my entire life was love. I gave up on people, but not LOVE itself. Why should I? Ruin my chance of hoping to love and be loved. I'd rather not.

Friends, oh, dear friends of mine. You guys are my rock and I love you guys to death. How could I ever live without them? FRIENDS should be part of the Wonders Of the World list. I am happy to say that I am blessed with awesome friends. Those who stood by me through thick and thin.

I endure sad, melancholic days by the thought of, there will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow. Ah. A chance of being happy. If not tomorrow then, maybe after tomorrow..until the day I run out of tomorrows. Love. Hope. Faith. I live on that, now...


*What am I blabbering about? Sorry, hehe I just felt like talking... But thank you... for reading anyways :D~

Til then,
Natasha A.Juan

Battle Of the Brains

I am now studying, burning the midnight oil... Eh. I meant, few minutes before this I was studying. Now, i'm taking a short break. Hoping that my super kaw coffee helps my eyes wide open through the night. I have 5 papers this semester. I have 3 more to go...then I can continue monkey-ing around. I can do this. I have to. I am nervous and excited at the same time. There's only today (at 1400 hours, Communication and Society exam) and tommorow (Public Relations and Communication Ethics) left. I can do this... Bailing and failing is not an option.




Got to go, my notes are waiting for me impatiently.




Wish me luck... I desperately need it.



Love, Natasha A.Juan

Today

Today I woke up. A disturbing text message comes next. I spent sometime on deciding whether I should be angry or not. I just woke up. WTH? Gah! My friends said that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Nothing to be cranky about. They were wrong. I hadnt even gone to anysides of my bed. I was still in bed. Blahdi hell.

I Have Watch This Countless Times

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain





This movie is directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet and starred by Audrey Tautou.

Well basically, this movie is about a girl named Amelie who as a child is mistaken by her father, a doctor that she has heart defects. She hardly has real life contacts with other people because of this concern. Amelie resorts to her own fantastical world and dreams of love and beauty.

As she becomes a young woman and moves to the central part of Paris as a waitress, she found a lost treasure that had belonged to the former occupant of her apartment. She decides to return it to him andseeing his reaction and his new found perspective - she decides to devote her life to the people around her. Her father who is obsessed with his garden-gnome, a failed writer, a hypochondriac, a man who stalks his ex girlfriends, the "ghost", a suppressed young soul, the love of her life and a man whose bones are as brittle as glass.

But after consuming herself with these escapades - she finds out that she is disregarding her own life and damaging her quest for love. She then discovers she must become more aggressive and take a hold of her life and capture the beauty of love she has always dreamed of.

This movie will not be appealing to you if you hate movies with alot of conversation. But I DARE you to watch it. You really would not know what to expect. It is the most interesting, beautiful and brilliant movie I have watched so far and it has been years since I first watched it.




(Above) Little Amelie and her imagination.






Natasha A.Juan

Give Thanks

Dear God,






I have awesome friends. I have awesome parents. I have an awesome dog.


And for these three awesome-ness showers me with heaps of L.O.V.E,


I thank THEE...



~AMEN~




Natasha A.Juan

I Have A Whole Colony of Insects In My Blog

Hello you,


I have nothing much to tell. But what I do have is a photo that I took on my journey back from class while I was stuck in a traffic jam. It was just a simple photo. But see what it turned out to be after a few touch of magic:



Before:






After:









What do you say? =)

My Wonderyears~

I so badly want to turn back time. Back to when I was a kid. The time where I did not have much RESPONSIBILITIES at all. All I pretty much do is go to school in the mornings. Have naps in the afternoons, after lunch. I would have watch tv instead, but there was no such thing as ASTRO. So even if i were to watch tv, there is only Buletin 1.30 (Malaysian News) or Smart Shop. Boring shows!. At the age of 10-14, reporting to me the sins of the world and trying to sell me 'lose-weight-equipments' and funky cooking ware stuff really is the least of my interest nor concern. So i'll just have my afternoon naps. Around 3.30pm I would be awakened by the ice-cream man's music on his bike. PADDLE POP!PADDLE POP!SUPER DUPER YUMMY....

I love evenings. I never missed a day without cycling my bicycle all around BDC (the area i'm staying). I had a lot of friends when I was a kid. But with or without them, it didn't really matter to me. As long there was my bike and my rollerblades( i wear my rollerblades while riding on my bike, dangerous, I know, but it was a habit). A bad day for me 'then', was when it rained. Because that meant i could not go cycling as I easily fall sick when im exposed to the rain.:(. Staying indoors definately was dreadful. I always ended up rollerblading in my house causing wheel marks all over the floor.HEHE. The rollerblade was my SHOE. I could go up n down the stairs on it without falling. I even wore it in Everise, when my Mom made me go do some shopping with her. Its kinda fun blading in the shopping aisle, you gotta love rollerblading on smooth surfaces. Hehe..Lucky I wasnt thrown out, since my mom was there.

When I was a lot more younger, the world seemed wider and every moment seemed like an adventure. I remembered being angry at my whole family at one point. You see, I loved to play in drains to catch tadpoles (baby frogs). One day I caught a bagful of tadpole from a drain at the playground nearby my house. So I caught them using a plastic bag (ya, the plastik sayur) and brought them home and put them in a bucket near my garden. Everytime I came home from school I would look at them and feel so bloody proud, just because I caught them myself and that they were MINE. Boy, did i look so smug, then. But one day, I came back and they were gone. My 'berudu' was gone. I was so angry, I shouted at everyone at home, thinking that some must have thrown them away or stolen it. I was heartbroken. I refused to talk to anyone at home. I took my bike and just rode off. When I got back, I kept quiet the whole time. Before bed time, my dad told me that no one stole my 'berudu',that it just grew legs, became frogs and jumped out of the bucket and went away. I just kept quiet and stormed in my room. Then I silently giggled and laughed the whole night. Thinking how stupid I have behaved, how funny that my tadpoles grew, because when you are are kid most of the things just don't make sense.HaHa.:)

The Spirit Carries On

She has his arms wrapped around her.

All you can do is envy from afar.

She gives you a cold stare.

You pretend you weren't looking.

You IDIOT.

I told you not to look,

Are you happy with what you saw?

Now, she outsmarts you.

When will you learn?

When will you give in?



You had your chances

And you blew it.

Now you expect her to forgive you

As if you never made your mistakes.



She was your love,

But you made a wrong move,

And showed her you had none.

By pretending you made NO mistakes

is just not the way.

Move on, dear friend.

Be wise.

You have HURT her enough.

Let her move on.

You had your fun.

Now, wipe that look upon your face.



That was three years ago.

She looks better than ever now,

While you still look like your old dead self.

You chose to be like this.

I tried my best to help.


Well, I must be on my way now.

I promise I will be back for you,

and we will talk again.

I will bring you fresh flowers

and clean your grave.



I really have to go now, dear friend.

If you must know, yes I'm still mad at you.

You left so easily,

and now...

I'm the one left,

with these tragic memories of you.



See, I'm talking too much again.

I really NEED to go.

I've got LIFE to catch up with.

Goodbye for now, and I miss you.





*I couldn't sleep. So this was what my twisted mind came up with. Hope you guys enjoyed it.. man, i really do need some sleep....O.o...

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?

Theres this lovely tune by Bread called IF. I have heard the song since I was a kid. Now, as an adult I love it even more... a classic romantic song... and I sooooo love the lyrics~

IF by Bread

If a picture paints a thousand words,

Then why can't I paint you?

The words will never show

the 'you' I've come to know.

If a face could launch a thousand ships,

Then where am I to go?

There's no one home but you,

You're all that's left me too.

And when my love for life is running dry,

You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,

I'd be with you.

Tomorrow and today,

beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,

I'd spend the end with you, and when the world was through,

Then one by one the stars would all go out,

Then you and I would simply fly away...

*How gorgeous are these lyrics? And YES i can be cheesy ; )

My Heart Skips a Beat, For You

My heart is doing 'it' again.

It might be because I know that you are starring at me...

Although I can't see you, but I know you're there.

No words could define this feeling.

Well, tears could.

But it's not because i'm sad or depressed.

It's quite the opposite.

I shall happily shed a few tears now...

Tears are words my heart can't express.

Don't get me wrong.

It's just blissful tears.

*SwOon*SwoOn*SwOon*

; )

Before I Go To Sleep This Morning...

I would just like to let you know....

that u make my heart skip a beat....

Even when u are not physically here...

even when I can't hear your voice....

And even though I can't see your facial expressions....

I like this feeling.

I L.O.V.E this feeling~

*You know who you are... and yes, I still wanna get cuddles from you. ;)~*

The Curse of Eve

*Have a nice weekend ahead guys!!! ; )

Boring punya pasal!!! : )

I regretted goin back early on a Friday night. Damn bored!!!(agik rasa aku). Luckily ada Nadia teman me YM. Here goes:


H: Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

N: Pahal u??

H: Boring ho? Berbalas pantun boring jum!!

N: Juh!!

H: Buah kedondong, buah kedendeng
buah kedinding, buah ketengteng.
Dalam banyak- banyak buah disebut,
Buah apa yang tidak wujud??
Sila Jawab cik Nadia......

N:Hahahahaha... Susah ini......
Rasa hati nak makan ke benteng;jadi esok terpaksa ponteng;
Jawapan saye mungkin kedendeng; kalau tidak buah ketengteng?

*I can't help but burst out laughing.

Nad, you're so darn cute and you made my day. Dear dear...nok kau layan aku empun twisted mind nok dah boring gilak pahal....hahahaha.... For your information, semua buah nok disebut memang rekaan semata-mata only kedondong jak wujud. (Nok lain ada wujud ka, aku skati berak jak...) Hahaha... Aku tetak sebab aku blur that ada juak orang mok layan soalan sebegitu...Thanks Nad. ;)

Set Me Free/ Twinkle, twinkle lil Stars

I need to get out more. I have been held down for far too long. This is the main cause of my endless mood swings. I definitely need to break free.



On a happier note, have I ever mentioned that I soooo...love star gazing? The past few nights, the sky was beautifully adorned by the gorgeous blanket of stars and I cannot help myself but they (the stars) really do put me in a trance. To me whatever problems I had seems to fade away (sounds so karut kan??). I don't care. I love Stars. Hehehehe.... So beautiful, yet untouchable (sooooo beauty and interest wannnn...).



p/s: At night when your outside, do take a second and look up once in awhile. Trust me, its worth it. Unless even when you're outside and you're outside world is surrounded by bright lights. :)

Bumble The Busy Bee

Hey guys...i have been really busy but here are some photos... enjoy!

Nek.... I miss you.... ;'(

My grandma passed away on the 5th of February 2009. I was about 10 minutes late. She was 92 years young. We just her burried last Sunday, 8th February. I miss you so much, Nek. I wish you were here. Christmas, Gawai, Mother's Day and other celebrations will never be the same. It breaks my heart going to your house now that you're gone. Everything in it reminds me of you and I can still hear your voice inside of my head. I know you're in a better place but I can't help but cry when I think of you. You were always there for me when I needed you, but I wasn't always there for you. I don't think I'm ready to go on with this... I will update later..

My beloved Inik, Flora Umpang Linang (1917-2009)


p/s: I will celebrate your life and I will always hold you close, in my heart...

Scenes From A Memory

Here are some photos to feast on. Not at all too much. But hopefully will do for now.. :)



The Lions tengah posing during CNY at Boulevard.

My lovely Jackie, for ten years you have been my faithful sleeping partner.

There you are; hogging my bed and soundly asleep.




(Sesi emosi)

To all those whose feelings I have hurt unintentionally throughout the years, I'm truly sorry. To those whom I love ever so dearly; Thank You for letting me love you and loving me back. To all my beloved friends who I have not keep in touch with; Wait yah I'm trying, I'm trying!!! Thank you to all and to those who have stood by me;I will forever be grateful. :)


Love,
Natasha.